Telling kids that a family member is gay or lesbian does not have to be a traumatic event. In fact, if you’ve done the smart thing and just incorporated the gay family member and his or her partner in your life since your child was born, then you never have to face this concern. Kids will understand the situation and be cool about it.
But what if you haven’t done that or what if your brother or cousin has just come out to you recently? How do you go about telling your kids Uncle Dan is gay? Here are a few tips to make it go smoothly:
Don’t be concerned about the kids being “too young” to handle the information. In fact, the younger the better. Young kids have not yet formed opinions about homosexuality and are more likely to be accepting.
Make sure what you tell them is age appropriate. For very young kids, it is only necessary to tell them that Uncle Dan has a special person that he will be living with and that Uncle Dan is very happy. They are usually content with that. Older kids and teens may have questions, like, “How long have you known?” and “Does this mean I could be gay too?” Answer honestly.
Older kids and teens may be “grossed out” by this information. This reaction is just a teens’ reflection of societal attitudes and their need to identify with those attitudes in order to fit in. The best way to handle this response is to tell your child that Uncle Dan is being honest in his feelings of love for his partner and that love is never wrong. It may days or weeks for your teen to absorb that, but they will.
Generally, the less fanfare you make out of it the better. If you seem to take it in stride, your kids are more likely to also. They will usually follow your lead in these matters, so being nonchalant when you tell them is a good idea.
Be available to talk to your child about any questions they may have. If you don’t know the answers, go to an online site such as PLAG or COLAGE and get the right answers.
Telling kids a family member is gay or lesbian is as big or small of an event as you make it. Kids usually handle such information in stride and the earlier you do it, the better.
Filed under: Coming out, gay coaching, lesbian coaching, sexuality | Tagged: parenting
My nieces know my partner is part of the family. They just don’t know why. I agree to take it in stride, one day they will know why steve is so important to me. It will be up to them wheither they agree or disagree with society views of their own family.
Thanks for your comment. Is it possible they know at some level already? Maybe not the words “partner” and “gay,” but they know that you are together. They will just grow into it. That’s wonderful!
My grandaughters are 7 & 10 they have always known that their uncles partner as part of our family. This year they came to me asking why their Uncle and his partner slept togeather and if they were gay? My husband explained to them how some people are born with more male/female genes and that would be like having a boys body and a girl on the inside . That he didn’t choose to be that way that is how god made him. He also explained some of the difficulties they also have to face in society.then he asked them other than that was he any different than their father are did they love him any different the reply was the same their uncle was still the greatest person in the world to them. He is their hero the same uncle as he was yesterday.this sealed to answer their questions we have always tried to be honest and always wondered when they would ask and how we would answer it came as a surprise when they did and the answer came naturally