I recently had someone ask if you could be happy and not come out. While my initial response to this question was “No!,” after reflection I realized what her real question was. She was from a small southern town with a deep fundamental religious culture and what she really wanted to know is if I felt she HAD to come out.
Of course, my service is to help people come out, but there are some exceptions. If your life is in danger, if you will lose everything you have, then it is probably a good idea to make some alternate arrangements before letting that cat out of the bag.
Usually, in a situation like that, the best alternate arrangement is to move. Think about it, the great gay meccas, like San Fransisco, New York, Key West and Provincetown did not get that way because there was a disproportionate number of gay people born there. They are gay meccas because gays and lesbians have moved there from less forgiving places.
Coming out is important for your sense of self–for you to live authentically. Just plan to do it in a place where you won’t get lynched!
If you are gay or lesbian and are coming out in midlife, please visit my website at www.discoveringpride.com.
Filed under: Coming out, GLBT, gay, gay coaching, gay-straight marriage, gays married to women, homosexuality, lesbian, lesbian coaching, lesbians married to men, married and gay, midlife crisis, questioning sexual orientation, sexual orientation
