This is a revision of one of my earlier posts, but I think it bears repeating:
If you come to the realization that you are gay or lesbian, but also believe in one of the myriad of religions that condemn homosexuality, you are bound to experience serious internal conflict. Some people are able to produce a sort of mental “doublethink” to get around the problem; they subconsciously split their psyche to accommodate both their homosexuality and their chosen religious doctrines. It appears to be an effective survival strategy, but not everyone can do it.
Most of us experience spiritual and emotional pain as a result of religious conflict. In the US, where Judeo-Christian beliefs reign, a few Bible passages describing gay sex as an abomination have done incredible damage to us as homosexuals, to our relationships with our families who share those beliefs and to society as a whole, which spends significant resources to “protect” itself from us. The issue seems overwhelming. If you are a homosexual immersed in this private conflict, what can you do about it?
You may not be able to persuade others to change their beliefs, but you certainly can change yours. You can accomplish this by learning to think differently. Easier said than done, you say. The truth is, you may need to learn to think in the first place! Religion traditionally teaches us to NOT think. Religion counts on blind belief to what the religious leaders tell us. If questions do arise, the final comeback is always the same. “You must have faith.” Hmmm.
In a professional debate, such a retort would not be acceptable. Religion always gets away with it. Why is this? The reason religion gets away with the “have faith” answer is because you, the believer, want and need to believe. So you allow it. It is easy. It delivers comfort. The problem is, once you recognize you are a homosexual, you can no longer be comfortable. That is the conflict.
How do you start to think about your religion? First you must recognize the difference between spirituality and religion. Spirituality is belief in a power greater than oneself. Religion is the vehicle used to express that belief. Like any vehicle, if it is not working correctly for you, you can get another one or fix the one you have.
At this point you may be saying this is not feasible, because your family would disown you if you changed religions. But remember, we are trying to resolve your internal conflicts. This is a private matter between yourself and your God. It is not necessary to share your beliefs with others until you are ready to do so. Give yourself permission to explore this topic.
Read your holy text (Bible, Koran, Talmud, etc.) carefully. Think critically about what you read. Ask yourself if you truly agree with some of the conditions God allows. Slavery? Selling daughters? Or brothers? Polygamy? If Christian, note that your church leaders do not uphold the laws in Leviticus such as abstinence from shellfish, cotton-poly blend clothing and pork. This is the same chapter of the Bible that condemns homosexual sex. Why have they chosen to single out homosexuality from that text?
Do not accept what you are told on face value…do independent reading and research into your religion. Discover why your religion has decided to take their particular stand on homosexuality. If there are conflicts regarding homosexuality within your religion, find out what each side is saying. Are there variations in translations that subtly change the text meanings? Study texts discarded by your religion. An interesting one is The Lost Books of the Bible, available on Amazon. It becomes very clear why these books were removed from the Bible by the Christian church between 400 and 600 AD. Read a history of your religion that is written by an objective outside source.
Explore other religions. See if you can find one that is more accepting of your homosexuality and still fits your beliefs. Take a look at Reformed Jewish, Wicca, Anglican, Lutheran, Friends General Conference, Unitarian Universal, Church of Christ, Metropolitan Community Church and the Association of Welcoming and Affirming Baptists.
A fun place to start your exploration is a resource on the Beliefnet website. The site features a test that questions you on spiritual beliefs and values. The test tallies up your answers, then spits out a list of religions conforming to your thoughts. Click here to link to Belief-O-Matic.
Remember, while spirituality is a fixed attribute of your personality, you can choose which religion to subscribe to. You can choose what you believe within the context of that religion. Investigate. Think. Do not abandon your common sense and logic. Learn to celebrate your spirituality and your homosexuality!
If you are an adult questioning your sexual orientation, visit my website at www.discoveringpride.com
Filed under: Coming out, GLBT, gay, gay coaching, gay dad, gay-straight marriage, gays married to women, homosexuality, lesbian, lesbian coaching, lesbian mom, lesbians married to men, lgbt, married and gay, midlife crisis, questioning sexual orientation, sexual orientation, sexuality
